When my oldest was here over winter break, I told her one day that I felt virtuous as I had gone to yoga, made a green drink, done a meditation and started laundry. She questioned my use of the word “virtue” in relation to tasks. She pointed out that virtue is a moral word and that it’s really messed up to associate that with simply completing tasks (even if they’re healthy ones). As I frequently do with my kids, I kept reflecting on her words throughout the day. I realized that on days when I didn’t do yoga/green drink etc. I found myself lacking in virtue. Even if I’d done yoga 5 days in a week something felt OFF on the days I’m didn’t show up for class. I realized that my phrasing which I thought was praise and motivation for me on good days, was actually eroding my sense of goodness inside. It was eroding my positive sense of who I was.
And so I let go of that old view. Now, I probably do yoga one day less a month, and have stopped considering healthy choices a moral imperative. It’s allowed me to feel good about myself on the days I do these things, on the days I do some of these things and on the days I don’t. A little paradigm shift that may have far reaching consequences. We will see. It feels profound.
What unconscious beliefs and expressions are eroding your belief in who you are and your sense of your own goodness? It’s time for a MAJOR RESET for us all!
I had an experience today that was kind of new and I wanted to share. Stay here with me as I think it’s profound! I’ve been having hot flashes … you know … I’ve been really paying particular attention as I’m writing an article on embracing the gifts that come with menopause. Anyway … this past weekend was busy and full. Monday (today) is my day to do office work and catch up with life. Well – I’ve had a VERY cranky day today. It’s hard to keep the cheery demeanor amidst hot flashes and disturbed sleep. Particularly after a busy weekend. I don’t think the heat helped (my iphone said it felt like 108 F here in Baltimore).
What made my day interesting was this – other times in my life when I’ve felt angry/cranky I’ve felt out of alignment with myself, with spirit and with the world around me. Well today was different. I was cranky as can be … yet my house got cleaned, the errands were handled. People I needed to contact, contacted me. The to do list got done … sometimes this productivity makes my mood better. Today it didn’t. I just kept feeling cranky, yet everything went well … I checked the mail a few minutes ago and there was money there … I got in the lift and the person on my list who I had not made contact with was there. What I needed was handled in the space of one floor.
I believe this in theory, but don’t recall an entire day where anger and flow coexisted so very beautifully! And so at 8:00 pm I’m sitting down to meditate and do some writing. What a lovely new experience. I need to spend more time exploring self judgement around emotions and the effects on others. I’ll keep you posted. And would love to hear your experiences – particularly around anger!
I used to have high expectations of families at holidays and many other people on a variety of projects. I learned over the years to let go of these expectations in a space of being present. I found more joy and less hassle – which was a good thing. I wish I could say I solved it all but I got pretty close and have learned to feel my feelings around disappointments and let them go with more ease than ever. Knowing I’m still a work in progress.
I’ve only recently discovered a different kind of expectation that was messing with me and I wanted to share – you might relate to it.
I’ve been using my intuition overtly more and more. And been expanding my presence practice. For instance, I now think it’s more important to listen to myself and my body than to stick with my walking/yoga schedule. And in this space I exercise more than I have in previous years. It’s been an interesting and unexpected development.
My new edge snuck up on me. It’s a little edge but may bring great results. I’ve discovered that I’ll tune in before a yoga class on days I don’t want to go … I’ve asked if I’ll feel better after class (which should be an obvious answer). I’ve found that I get a “no” to that … then I assume that I WON’T feel better afterwards. Which has surprised me and spun me out a bit. On a number of days I’ve gone anyway and have discovered that I on those days I actually feel better DURING class. Not AFTER class. Silly and small but has been a huge eye opener for me.
I have been surprised to find that when my intuition says NO to something positive I assume that the true answer is something negative. Ends up in almost all cases it’s actually been something even better. And so … I’m asking now, for something even better in just about every area of my life! May health, joy, adventure and abundance show up even more brightly than I can imagine. And may I be open to that outcome in every situation.
I ask the same for you!
This fall and winter I’ve been in an interesting space. Lots of quiet and introverted time. It’s been good and needed. Then as we’ve gotten closer to spring … I’ve had some opportunities show up and a I signed up for a program to support me as I continue to grow professionally. The timing was perfect as I had been sitting and preparing for SOMETHING.
I was ready and the decision to sign up was easy. Since signing up, I’ve been in a place of self doubt, feeling cranky and more … then realized that as an empath, I’m feeling the emotions of the entire group. Everyone is scared, everyone is having doubts about themselves, everyone is excited, and everyone is getting their nerve aligned to make a LEAP! It was one thing to feel my own emotion around this and another to feel the feelings of maybe thousands of other people and assume they are mine. I KNOW BETTER!
So … today … I went … this isn’t mine! It wasn’t a shout. Just a quiet realization. So simple and quick. In that moment, I found my own excitement, and honestly, very little doubt. I found myself back to my space a few weeks ago … with pulsing spring energy inside of me … full of optimism like a seed getting fat underground. Certain that I will rise up. I don’t yet know what the next bloom will look like. What I know is I’m ready and in a place of joy as I work and tend and wait to see. Wishing you joy and active patience while you await your certain harvest!